This is going to sound bad, but I don’t care.  I’m not humble, and I have no plans to be.  When I say that my fourth grandchild was lucky to be born into the family she was, I mean it for how it sounds.  I always like to see little kids born into the world. And as far as I’m concerned, nothing in the world is more important than family.  Our job as human beings is to emerge from the void and to fill it with consciousness.  And long after the shell of a living body dies away, the spirit that emerges lives eternally for all kinds of purposes.  And even though that spirit has its characteristics and is immortal in its conduct, the experience of a physical existence profoundly shapes the content of that eternal character. As I visited one of my daughters in the hospital giving birth to my fourth grandchild, that was what I was thinking as I visited the hospital wing full of optimism, as other families were giving birth also.  And it was a generally happy floor full of hope for the future, and I enjoy places like that.  But as I was holding this new baby, I couldn’t help but think that she had hit the lottery relative to the other families on the floor.  Out of all the random chances of landing in a body that gave birth in such a family as she had, she was one of the luckiest creatures in the universe.  And it made me sad for the other little kids who will never get such an opportunity.  I wish I could be a parent or grandpa to more kids.  Because most of them have terrible families that cripple them usually before life ever starts to get going and its just not fair to them.

I say that because I don’t spend much time slowing down.  I live a fast-paced life full of high stress and chaos.  So a moment alone with family to talk to each other doesn’t come often.  But for us, a couple of holidays are the best; the Fourth of July and Thanksgiving give us great moments that carry us through the rest of the year.  There are many more throughout the year, but those two are benchmarks that we value more than others.  And they are usually very positive experiences.  But when a new child is born, of course, that is an even rarer occurrence, and we take those kinds of things very seriously in my family.  Because we like life and all the opportunities that come with it.  I want kids more than the average person, and I like them a lot until they start showing signs of becoming adults, and if they start taking on the signs of becoming just another loser in the world, then I lose my enthusiasm for them.  I can’t say I like people, so when kids trade away their childhoods for adult behavior, I think they give away a fortune, and the rest of their lives are wasted.   But with kids, those dumb decisions haven’t been made yet, so knowing them is usually full of optimism.  And for my daughter and her new little daughter, there are many very supportive people in their family, and no matter how bad life gets, there is always room to grow and recover in our family activities.  But compared to the rest of the world and their approach, it almost feels like we are an Amish family.   I can relate to them much more than a normal family these days, because we have similar beliefs about the value of family. 

As I was pushing my granddaughter around the hospital floor to keep her entertained while her mother recovered a bit from birth, I had a good look at the other families also having babies.  Especially the dads.  And by their look, they weren’t ready to have a baby.  You could see the fear in their eyes as they held their newborn children at the tremendous responsibility they suddenly found themselves in.  Most of the dads having new babies were going to let down their families in some way, and they would never get the chance to understand what I’m talking about.  Most people probably won’t.  But to see that fear in the faces of people during such an optimistic time in their lives is sad to see, and I instantly feel sorry for the kids born into such a weak family with bad dads who aren’t up to the rigors of the task.  Most moms at least get a connection to a child who grows with them during the pregnancy.  But the men don’t get to have a baby or bond with it during the pregnancy.  So they aren’t so flat-footed when the baby is born; they have made at least some psychological transition that has prepared them for having a baby.  But the men must go deeper to get there, and most never do.  And the kids end up without a positive primary influence.  I am pretty standoffish with most people because I find them insulting that they don’t take the parenting process more serious, and I know that if they screw that up, then most things they do in their lives will also be screwed up and the kids will grow up to be bad people.  And most of those kids being born with my granddaughter don’t have a chance at a happy life, just by looking at their parents’ faces. 

I wouldn’t say it’s challenging to be a good parent or a grandparent, but unfortunately, most people fall short.  I was thinking about this recently during my birthday in April, when we were all at Hocking Hills doing a ghost hunt at Old Man’s Cave with the grandkids.  It was a lot of fun, and as we were doing it, it was nice to see the lights of discovery light up on the little kids’ faces, and many of those memories with family will shape them for a lifetime in everything they do.  And I enjoy my role in that process, and I always give as much as possible so they get the best opportunities out of it.  But most kids are born randomly into life, and they get the parents they get, which is usually not very good.  And most of the time, they are doomed before they ever get started, and that was certainly the case with all the kids born with my granddaughter.  There are always exceptions, of course.  But for the most part, most kids born that day were born into families where the adults raising them would disappoint them greatly.  And I feel sorry for the lack of chances they will have in life because of it.  I don’t think there is a better or more important job than being an adult mentor for a little, emerging child.  But what’s sad is that so few adults feel that way.  And when I have to see and talk to them, it just reminds me how few there are, and I feel sorry for the kids.  I want to help them all, but unfortunately, I can’t because of how families work.  But for my new grandchild, she hit the lottery. 

Rich Hoffman

Click Here to Protect Yourself with Second Call Defense https://www.secondcalldefense.org/?affiliate=20707